Hey, Dickhead, Get Off Your Fucking Phone.

Dear self important, self absorbed fuckface. I hope you die.

The cell phone is the fucking worst invention ever. Hey, need a reason to be EVER MORE up your own ass? Here, have a phone where anyone can reach you at anytime!

Answer me this, besides high powered business types, Lawyers and the like, do you REALLY need to be accessible 24 hours a day? Really? Can you be anymore wrapped up in yourself? Oh wait, yes you can!! How about we take these tedious, useless conversations, and even text messages, and do them WHILE DRIVING!! Thats an amazing idea!! Why bother with paying attention to the road or your surroundings when in a couple thousand pound death machine?? Your right, being alert is just silly!

I ride a bike, I walk, and every time I do so, I nearly get run down by some fucking twat talking to her girlfriend about how her nail appointment with Mrs. Soo went. Meanwhile, I’m narrowly escaping being buried under a tire. Before cell phones were around, we had MORE then enough shitty drivers, now the numbers are fucking absurd. If your watching traffic go by, I dare you to see five cars in a row with no one on a phone. I’m shocked they don’t force drivers to take a test while on a phone, because, lets face it, this shit isn’t gonna change.

Now, the initial idea was a good one. Hey, wouldn’t it be great if you get into some emergency with your car, and you can contact family, 911, or AAA? Great idea, in theory, but its just been blown so tits out that I look at most people on a cell phone as being some sort of fucking scumbag. Have you ever worked at a place, or waited in line behind one of these fucking people? Just jabbing away about something no one could care about, ignoring the person trying to serve them, being such rude fucks in the process. I see these people and just hope the get hit by a drunk driver later in the night.

On top of that, I can’t watch late night TV anymore without getting two cell companies trying to sell you shit for your phone, EVERY commercial break. “Text sexy babes like this with “I luv poon” to 44844 now!” No, stupid. Your texting some slob, or worse yet, a dude. Its only costing you a buck a text though, so who cares, you get to whack off to fucking typed words, you desperate shitheel. That or, “To get the Monkey eating a Banana sound, text, “I hate my life” to 32109!!” No, I don’t wanna hear your Sweet Home Alabama ringtone, I don’t care about the wallpaper of a rim spinning, nor do I want to listen to “Do yo chain hang lo” while I wait for you to pick up this ringing object that is ruining the world. I really wish the rumors were true and you would get tumors from prolonged cell phone use, Lord knows you people fucking deserve it.