Dear self important, self absorbed fuckface. I hope you die.

The cell phone is the fucking worst invention ever. Hey, need a reason to be EVER MORE up your own ass? Here, have a phone where anyone can reach you at anytime!

Answer me this, besides high powered business types, Lawyers and the like, do you REALLY need to be accessible 24 hours a day? Really? Can you be anymore wrapped up in yourself? Oh wait, yes you can!! How about we take these tedious, useless conversations, and even text messages, and do them WHILE DRIVING!! Thats an amazing idea!! Why bother with paying attention to the road or your surroundings when in a couple thousand pound death machine?? Your right, being alert is just silly!

I ride a bike, I walk, and every time I do so, I nearly get run down by some fucking twat talking to her girlfriend about how her nail appointment with Mrs. Soo went. Meanwhile, I’m narrowly escaping being buried under a tire. Before cell phones were around, we had MORE then enough shitty drivers, now the numbers are fucking absurd. If your watching traffic go by, I dare you to see five cars in a row with no one on a phone. I’m shocked they don’t force drivers to take a test while on a phone, because, lets face it, this shit isn’t gonna change.

Now, the initial idea was a good one. Hey, wouldn’t it be great if you get into some emergency with your car, and you can contact family, 911, or AAA? Great idea, in theory, but its just been blown so tits out that I look at most people on a cell phone as being some sort of fucking scumbag. Have you ever worked at a place, or waited in line behind one of these fucking people? Just jabbing away about something no one could care about, ignoring the person trying to serve them, being such rude fucks in the process. I see these people and just hope the get hit by a drunk driver later in the night.

On top of that, I can’t watch late night TV anymore without getting two cell companies trying to sell you shit for your phone, EVERY commercial break. “Text sexy babes like this with “I luv poon” to 44844 now!” No, stupid. Your texting some slob, or worse yet, a dude. Its only costing you a buck a text though, so who cares, you get to whack off to fucking typed words, you desperate shitheel. That or, “To get the Monkey eating a Banana sound, text, “I hate my life” to 32109!!” No, I don’t wanna hear your Sweet Home Alabama ringtone, I don’t care about the wallpaper of a rim spinning, nor do I want to listen to “Do yo chain hang lo” while I wait for you to pick up this ringing object that is ruining the world. I really wish the rumors were true and you would get tumors from prolonged cell phone use, Lord knows you people fucking deserve it.

The similarities between gays and thugs are phenomenal, in this summarizing article i will show the unique characteristics that homosexuals and thugs have in common. Some people will be offended, and I apologize to the homosexuals for associating you with “gangsters”, but it is not your class of people that is stealing the style and traits, from what i have seen the thugs have solely took your style and habits and made them there own. The many traits of your urban thug, gangster or OG, leads me to believe that most if not all are closet gays. Let me point out a few of the basic traits that all point to this fact.

• Sagging Pants - Origin of the sagging pants was in prison, this was to let other inmates know that were gay, and your ass was open for season. In the last decade thugs have chosen to make this standard part of there dress code. Coincident, i highly doubt it.

Notice the similarities in the two, i thought you did.

• Colorful apparel consisting of mainly Rainbows, Bright Neons and of course multiple fancy shiny colorful shoes. Gay men in particular love to have a nice large collection of colorful garments, this is brought about by the hightened estrogen levels that give them the womans knack and fashion sense. The homosexuals usually have a large collection of bright colored shirts, jackets and shoes. The thugs on the other hand have a large collection of bright colored shoes, shirts and jackets, hrmm. Once again very similar in the fashion sense. Gays flaunt rainbowesque shirts, thugs “pimp” rainbowesque hoodies and fleece. let me get you more pictures of some examples.

The similarities in fashion are uncanny. Hell i think elton john looks less gay than a thug in that hoodie.

Once again the thug sneaker is far more flamboyant than the gay sneaker. Not only did they take the homosexual style, but they made it even gayer. How is that even possible. Congrats to the worlds gangsters for letting your Gay Colors shine.

• Most gays are known for being a bit overly sensitive, well thugs are even worse, They call it “Keeping it Real”, but in reality it is an over reaction to any situation. IE: Stepping on ones shoe “you smudged my puma mother fucker, your gonna pay for that shit”, when in reality it would easily wash right of, but since they have to try and prove there not soft they get over sensitive and over react to the minor scuff and want to fight. Any normal man would care less, why because they spent $20 on a pair of 1/2 off adidas and consider them disposable. Thugs on the other hand with there high fashion sense paid $200 for there rainbow specialty Nikes. Also might i mention the over reaction to the mother jokes, normal man will laugh and make a joke back, a Gangster will get highly offended and once again attempt to prove that they are not a bitch and try to fight. This constant attempt to try to prove that they are “Hard” would make me assume that they are trying to cover up something, why else would anyone ever want to fight over a joke.

• Accessories - Something every thug has to have is accessories, From flashy Bling to the Kicks, the almighty bling amazes me, as your average man the only jewelry i wear is a wedding ring, which i would not wear unless i was forced to by the wife, but gangsters on the otherhand will wear far more jewelry than most gay men ever thought of. Why is this, why do they feel the need to look so shiny and glamorous, the bigger gawdy the jewelry is the better, the shinier the better. At this point Elton John is the hardest fucker on earth if we are going by gangster clout.

Between these two men alone they have set a beyond gay trend in thug america, what happened to looking like a man, an entire class of man has stepped into the realm of estrogen, they take fashion to far, they take jewelry to far, and take there emotions to a depth no man should ever go….

To sum it all up what have we learned today, that most gangsters, thugs and G’s are closet homosexuals. They try hard to stay in fashion, the new era of Gangsta Glam makes me sick. Back in the day a thug was something to be feared, now they are just a kolidascope of colors that when the sun hits just right they shoot beams of light that can start small fires.

They are no longer men but glorified metrosexuals, at that there is so many of them to egg eachother on and set the trends further into gayness that they don’t even realize what they have become, since when did a $150 shirt make you hard, if i remember correctly a $3 party store shirt gave off a much better “Thug” impression, personally no matter how many flamboyant colors you wear it is not going to instill fear into people, your car is getting brighter, your teeth are shinier, your clothes are flashier, your just one big ol gay shiny star, Congrats, your a dick in the ass shy of making your deadbeat prison daddy proud. Next big fad will be to walk around with a neon dildo hanging from your rearview mirror, spinning of course.

This is only part one of the Gangster/Homosexual similarities, trust me there is alot more, until next time.